He is Still my Hero

This week I learned more about my super hero. The things I learned made me pause. The man is not a Saint and that is the best thing ever. I would not want a saint, I would always feel lesser. And for a time I did feel lesser. I felt I was less than his late wife.

I realized who he really is and I love that man more than the flawless man I had made him. His story is solid. The widower in him has resulted in the good memories being the ones at the forefront. I think we all do that when people die. We forget the bad and focus on the good. That is neither here, nor there.

The guilt is something I think he struggles to release. It makes him just a normal man. His goodness has not been diminished. In fact it is now even more powerful. The problem is that he fails to see that he is not lesser.

This new awareness for me is now a larger magnet pulling me in. I see we are cut from the same cloth. We are both sinners. We both love hard. We are both loyal. We both made mistakes. We both are super hard on ourselves more than anyone else. We do not self talk like we love ourself, especially if we let anyone else down.

I now am more at peace with my Akashic reading back in May. It makes the most sense now that we would have always ended up together. I remember at the end of the last reading I was told that this was the man I came to earth to walk along side. I said that is not right he should be here with his wife. The response was quick and until now I did not see the truth. He responded, wouldn’t it be terrible for him to have the guilt of being with you if she was alive? You would have ended up together regardless of the other occurrences, this was inevitable and part of the record.

So it was today that I saw he has sinned in the same ways I had sinned. People do not cheat if they are happy. People do not cheat if they feel important and engaged in a relationship. I am not here to judge that relationship. What I do know is I have cheated, I just did not get caught. That is the reason when I was cheated on I felt it was karmic. He was forgiven by his wife, he has not forgiven himself. I never felt the level of guilt he has felt.

Forgiveness is never easy for me to give. It is even more difficult to give to myself than to others. That is probably the highest peak to reach, for me to love myself and forgive myself. I do it and it is hard and it takes a lot of time. Seriously it is hard.

Today I took it upon myself to write Danny an email in response to his excitement of me buying the plane tickets to Minnesota. Obviously it contains the reflections I have had over the last day. Β The picture that is framed I gave him for Christmas I told him was and is unabridged joy in his face and that is priceless to me. Here it is:

I am so excited to see the Unabridged joy in your face and eyes. I get to share it with you and that makes me happy.
Magic is in you. I am not sure why you are so hard on yourself. This is the time to forgive yourself and let it all go. This new year no matter how it starts, will be moving up. Everything that happens will be because you and your soul need it to be so to release things that no longer serve you.
We are all human and have made mistakes. The key to being happy and successful is to acknowledge it, in order to do better in the future. You have to release things to receive things.
I am always here to listen, I will always love you, I know you are flawed just as I am flawed. No one is perfect. You just need to do the best you can and learn from your past. That is all you have to do.
Hiding your magic is not a good thing nor does it help you.
I see your magic, there is NOTHING that will dim the light I see in you. Nor is there anything you can say about you or your past that will change my love for you or how I see you. Do not get me wrong I do not deify you, I see you as a good man. And again there is nothing that would change that, PERIOD.
So my challenge for you is to forgive yourself. I am not sure if that is what is going on but I have a feeling I may be right. If I am wrong that is OKAY too. Make this a year of new, a year of leaving things behind that no longer serve you.
You are my Batman, Bruce Wayne but most of all you are my Danny N. Smith, and that is more than enough, and more than most men. You do not need an alter ego, you are magic and a super hero all on your own.

πŸ’‹πŸ’œπŸ˜˜

He did respond and I think he gets it.

Joyce,
Thank you for the heart-felt email. I appreciate it and I will try do a better job at accepting the magic you see.
This is all I could hope. I am hopeful that this is the start of his release from the past. The prison he has made and keeps himself confined. He deserves to be happy. I know I am in that happiness. He knows deep down inside too. I know that it is tough and he wants to be happy. He is moving forward, slow but sure always wins the game.
May all your waves be glassy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s