This week I learned more about my super hero. The things I learned made me pause. The man is not a Saint and that is the best thing ever. I would not want a saint, I would always feel lesser. And for a time I did feel lesser. I felt I was less than his late wife.
I realized who he really is and I love that man more than the flawless man I had made him. His story is solid. The widower in him has resulted in the good memories being the ones at the forefront. I think we all do that when people die. We forget the bad and focus on the good. That is neither here, nor there.
The guilt is something I think he struggles to release. It makes him just a normal man. His goodness has not been diminished. In fact it is now even more powerful. The problem is that he fails to see that he is not lesser.
This new awareness for me is now a larger magnet pulling me in. I see we are cut from the same cloth. We are both sinners. We both love hard. We are both loyal. We both made mistakes. We both are super hard on ourselves more than anyone else. We do not self talk like we love ourself, especially if we let anyone else down.
I now am more at peace with my Akashic reading back in May. It makes the most sense now that we would have always ended up together. I remember at the end of the last reading I was told that this was the man I came to earth to walk along side. I said that is not right he should be here with his wife. The response was quick and until now I did not see the truth. He responded, wouldn’t it be terrible for him to have the guilt of being with you if she was alive? You would have ended up together regardless of the other occurrences, this was inevitable and part of the record.
So it was today that I saw he has sinned in the same ways I had sinned. People do not cheat if they are happy. People do not cheat if they feel important and engaged in a relationship. I am not here to judge that relationship. What I do know is I have cheated, I just did not get caught. That is the reason when I was cheated on I felt it was karmic. He was forgiven by his wife, he has not forgiven himself. I never felt the level of guilt he has felt.
Forgiveness is never easy for me to give. It is even more difficult to give to myself than to others. That is probably the highest peak to reach, for me to love myself and forgive myself. I do it and it is hard and it takes a lot of time. Seriously it is hard.
Today I took it upon myself to write Danny an email in response to his excitement of me buying the plane tickets to Minnesota. Obviously it contains the reflections I have had over the last day. The picture that is framed I gave him for Christmas I told him was and is unabridged joy in his face and that is priceless to me. Here it is:
He did respond and I think he gets it.