So I guess I have come a long way. Today I was driving to work and I could not help but laugh out loud. I was thinking about that conversation with Danny on Tuesday. I think some things are being put into perspective for him now.
Yesterday he texted me to see how my day was and how Mackey was doing. I thought really? This is crazy, but I still responded pretty timely. Then I started to think about the conversation again.
So in reality, he thought he could have a freaking E Ticket to life with me. For all of you that do not know what I am referring I will give you the short version. In the beginning Disneyland had tickets that referenced what rides you paid for at admission, it was not all inclusive. The E ticket was everything. He could do whatever and I would never say anything. I know before I put my boundary down it was an E ticket he did what he wanted and when and I was mute.
The craziest shit was that he told me it sounded familiar. This meant Hagatha had said the same things. I think she was bat shit crazy jealous, I am not. What he should really reflect on is that this is the same statement at the core, what is the common denominator? Well it would be him and Tuesday. Eventually he will get it, I have absolute faith in that happening.
It is not shocking to me that he said he looked at our relationship differently after I spoke my mind. It had to change, the game changed, the rules were now totally different. He saw I had a spine and it came along with rules. I am also pretty sure over the weekend this was a discussion. The reality is I know I was a discussion point; I do not care what Danny wants to tell me, I know it in my gut.
I even brought up at one point I do not think if we saw other people it would be something with benefits. I was actually pontificating out loud; I barely refrained from bringing up Heroin and Ecstasy. I already knew he could not be Molly. I guarantee that shit floored him. I was not even open to just sex. I am sure he would have thought that I am progressive and she would not want to stop this aspect. Bahahaha.
Intimacy is something that I know Danny needs. He is not a lone wolf or a solitary creature at all. Knowing this is key for me means I am not going to be Diana at 19 with Charles at 32 also involved with Camilla emotionally. I do not have time for this nor will I deal with that bull. What I think, okay I know he has failed to realize is that the intimacy he has with Tuesday is displaced.
The other problem with this is that is he is a man who needs this intimacy. So when he lost it someone was waiting with baited breath to jump right in. The problem for this predatory void filler is that this not what she thought it would become. This relationship is not going to manifest in the fantasy she wants; that much I am 100% confident. The thinking that it could develop is flawed just like her intentions.
Void fillers happen in life, it could be a person or an activity or an addiction. The thing I think that happened with him was the void from his wife’s death was so great it had to be filled. He is a man who does not want to be alone. So he wanted to live life again and Tuesday was there waiting.
She was there to go out to concerts and wine tastings. She thought that it could have become more, it did not and will not. She was betting on the intimacy emotionally growing into something else. I hate that I think she was waiting for the body to be cold but I know in my gut it was the truth.
Predators are just wired differently than me. I know that they have a mission. I can respect a predator in the jungle or on the plains. It is something I cannot respect people. These people know exactly who they are and what they are doing. I especially despise when I see that they have chosen the weaker emotional people because it benefits them. They make friends and it looks legitimate
I love him but I know I come first in my life. Today, he texted me first thing to see how Mackey was doing this morning, that means a lot. He knows my value; he just needs to miss it. I hate that this is what it must be as it is unfortunate. If he does not pull his head out of his ass, he will be like men before him that realize it too late and think Joyce is waiting. Those men will admit it and the fact is that ship has sailed. I also know that there are at least 2 who would still say they are available whether it was true or not, they would make it so.
I think this is just a learning process. I am staying true to me. I have plans next week to meet up with Danny to go to see Pat Green. I am fully prepared for him to cancel, I have a plan B, I am not sure it will come to that but if it does. I know that if he cancels and I am chill he will not know what the hell it means. First the pictures, then the calm with no friends with BFF and now whatever to cancellations, he will think he is on the curb.
Time will tell. I am just going stay here in the line up looking for the lines. May all your waves be glassy.