Plausible Deniability – Double Standards

Trust is built in small moments, yet it is destroyed in both broader strokes and little chips that destroy its foundation.

So I did it! I spoke my truth to Danny about Tuesday. It was really hard for me. I mean really hard. I could feel my heart and chest tighten but I still went forward. I think the worst part about it was he was not hearing what I was saying. I know if it was different and I was the one doing it to him it would not be okay.

I told him one of the things I love about him is his care and concern for friends. So the initial comment about going to see a friend with Breast Cancer was not an issue. The fact that I was not told about Tuesday’s involvement until Saturday was an issue for me.

I told him I believe our relationship is based on respect. I told him we are not communicating. I did not think that the way he told me Pam was involved was right. He said he told me he was going with Pam to see a friend. I said no you didn’t I have the text. He said he did not remember what he said. This is the only thing I love about text, I keep them. This means there is no way to wiggle out of it. (#WINNING) I get it I know he has a million things going on and communication in text as I have said before – DOES NOT WORK.

Danny told me today the majority of the time was to have him look at houses with her. They now have a tee time. This from a woman who told me golf was stupid. Yes, she told me this, then the next time I see her she is asking Danny about golf clubs. I questioned the golf and he told me she told you she was taking golf lessons. I said no she did not, she did not interact with me at the concert at all. She only talked to you. I also told him she was a big girl and could look at houses herself. This is when he got defensive of his friend of 20 years. He is a fool, he has obviously forgotten, Dick shot cheated with his friend of 25 years on me.

Man do I ever regret not having this discussion immediately after the concert. I still held to my points. I absolutely trust him, I do not trust the predator. She wants it to be her, I hate jealous people I usually never see it. My Jamaican brother always had to point the obvious out to me. This time I was so happy I saw it for me.

I told him I am not high maintenance and I think I am pretty easy going. I am not a jealous person. I am respectful and I think our relationship is based on respect. I said that is the reason I have brought it up. It is important to me. It was also because he had shared our relationship which he said we were NOT to do.

I said since the vomit incident and your sharing with her, I am not comfortable with her. He said she did not know. I immediately corrected him and said yes you did and you told me so. He said he accidentally told the boys. I responded I know about the boys and you told me it was Tuesday and the boys who knew.  I am saddened that he tried to lie about telling her about the vomit. He said the boys know. I said I do not care about that for this conversation, I care about them in a different way. Saving face is hard but owning shit is harder and respectable.

When I called him out that he told me about telling her, he let it go. That is so disheartening. As stupid and an ass as Alan was he always knew, NEVER lie to me. That is the kiss of death with me. I am totally on alert now. I have to seriously protect my heart. I hate that I am this far out, although 5 months out it is to be expected.

I hate this I really do. I spoke my mind and he attempted to dissuade me. Tuesday is just what I saw and said. He will have time to see it and process it for himself. The fact this weekend is  about her is FUCKING GROSS!

So here is the run down as I see it. It would be different for him if this was me going and not him.

  • He told me via text he had plans in NC to see a friend with Cancer
  • He told me as a matter of fact Tuesday was going
  • Tuesday broke up with her boyfriend
  • I have no idea if it is one or two hotel rooms
  • Tuesday has disrespected me by sharing my car story
  • Danny disrespected and hurt me by sharing my car incident
  • I was not invited along (even if it had been for show)
  • Tuesday planned the trip
  • She hated golf until I said I was golfing to spend time with Danny
  • She ignored me the entire concert

If this was all reversed he would be livid. I have slept it out and I decided I am glad we are basically on a time out. I did clarify last night that our relationship is off limits as a discussion. He knew it was and I got the text back: “Got it”.

I wonder what he thinks my friends would think about this. He told me how his friends are concerned about him and dating crazy bitches. Well, my friends are tired of me being with liars and manipulators. Why is it he is invited everywhere I go, yet I am not invited where he goes? Perception is reality.

I am still blown the fuck away that he makes an entire weekend with Tuesday. This from someone who could not make plans too far out. I know he has not realized he will not be seeing me until at the earliest Sept 10th late, if at all. That will depend on if I decide to have dinner with my nephew or not. More likely is September 11th.

I think this time apart will be good for me. I know this God always tempts me when this shit happens. Maybe, that is why it is so amusing that I had a legitimate opportunity to go to Vegas for the Mayweather vs McGregor fight. I know this, he would not like me to go there for that, nor would he be ok with it. Me going on a jet with guys, staying in a mansion, going to the event of the year without him and not inviting him. Different standards.

May all your waves be glassy.

 

 

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