Bait and Switch or Seasons Change

So when I first started dating Danny it was in March. Soy his children were all away at school except for the oldest. The oldest was on vacation for a week and so the beginning he as an empty nester. We were together all the time. I somehow expected that to be the norm.

Then the anniversary of his wife’s death arrived, then Mother’s day and then summer. In that time our time was changed, altered and lessened. I get it and I am not bitching about the circumstances. I think for me it is more about is it realistic for me to think it will go back to that when we spend a lot of time together. I also have to think is it worth the wait?

I am totally torn today. I know a lot of that is due to the fact that I am hurt and angry about what happened to my weekend plans two days in a row. Friday he told me he cannot meet on Saturday and Sunday he tells me the plans he made with me need to change. It is not that they need to change because of an emergency, it is because he double booked. I am not sure why my plans got cancelled versus the others.

I know I have to ask about this versus making assumptions. When we discussed it today, he said he knows I am a planner but plans change for him all the time. I guess that would be fine if we made extended plans but really I barely get plans made with him within the week. So that is a bullshit statement to me.

I have a lot of plans for football this fall. I also realized that he is always welcome where ever I go, and that does not hold true in reverse. I still do not have a clue on what needs to happen for him to introduce me to his children or what his plan is on that front. I think I need a time out.

I need to have time and space to think. Maybe I should go on that fix up date with my friends brother. I just need to stop and think. I am not feeling valued and I do not think I treat him the same. I think I could also honestly say he does not see the lopsided treatment.

I am going to go sun myself and hopefully I will come to some peace within myself. In the meantime. It is radio silence from me. I was quiet and said very little at the end of our phone call and I am sure that spoke volumes. Additionally I am just going to work on me. I have plenty of job applications to fill out and I need to do my Isagenix trainings.

May all your waves be glassy.

 

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