So for the longest time I would hear people tell me how they were energetically connected to others. I also thought cool, but it never happened to me. I know I am energetically sensitive. I have proven that out time and time again.
I now have to think about things and make sure I clear my energy. In addition, I also have to block some people. I absorb energy so easily it can impact me quickly. So when Danny came along things started to happen. Initially, I was pretty chill and calm. Soon after we really connected I felt anxious.
I started t think that I was insecure and panicked a little, okay sometimes a lot. I will say there was a lot going on so it is not out of the ordinary for me to panic. I would not say it was a crazy thing to think either.
In just about a 10 days we will have been together for 5 months. In this time I have realized something huge. I realized that I can feel him, I can feel his energy. This is awesome yet a burden. The first time I started to really take note of this connection was while we were in Pennsylvania.
We had checked into our room and I was napping, he was listening to a business call. I started to get this anxiety. When I say anxiety I mean I was starting to hit a flat out panic. It was heavy in my chest and I was thinking what the hell is wrong with me. This was the last day of our time together and we were going to Longwood Gardens that night. The following day was his wedding anniversary and he was going to see all his children.
I ignored it and thought maybe I ate something. Well it has happened more than once since then and not always when we are together. I know there are people who think this is too WOO WOO for them and that is acceptable. I just know what I feel and how it impacts me.
Today I realized the energy is strong between us. It is like we share the same nervous system. He is not nearly as aware of this if at all. I think this because I texted him from LA I was panicked about going to Vegas alone. I was scared I would not find my friends. I was really panicked. In hindsight, I realize the other reason I was panicked was I had a horrible experience with a former girlfriend the last time I went to Vegas.
I also did not know a lot of the other people and as crazy as it sounds it was overwhelming to me. I think Danny fails to see that part of me, and for now that is okay. So back to today. This week since I came home I have been super anxious again. Crazy anxious.
I had been texting with Danny this week and told him I was sorry he was stressed about work. He blew it off saying he was not stressed. It is a total facade. When he finally came over yesterday I could see it and I it affirmed my thoughts it was his stress I felt. I doubt he has felt my anxiety as his outweighs mine.
I will concede I am looking for a new job. That is not stressful, as I have a job. I hate my current role but the fact is I know that is not causing the stress levels I have been feeling. This is all new for me. I have to learn to compartmentalize it and decipher whose feeling I am experiencing. I also need to learn I cannot fix it for him. I just have to be aware.
Oddly enough, I would not change this experience. The path I am on I know is where I am supposed to be right now. I know he is letting his walls down, I feel him. If he was still super guarded I doubt I would be able to feel him like this. I also know this is something special so, I am going to work through it.
May all your waves be glassy.