So as the time passes, I have become more comfortable in the moment. I have worked on becoming more at ease when the fear creeps in, which is obviously my ego. If I took that trip every time it showed up, I might never leave.
I can see now that Danny is in a similar place. I also can tell some of his fear has subsided. I am not sure if it is just due to time or if it is because he is doing it consciously. Either way, it is taking things to a new place.
I have noticed that although his schedule is busier, he is making a conscious effort to spend time with me. After the "Tuesday" episode he was definitely more attentive. He has since done a lot more confiding. I have seen that I feel better when I take the moment to say what's on my mind. Sometimes it is difficult but I know I need to open up the things that are important to me.
We had a very nice dinner this week. I know that in the last two weeks his schedule has been nuts. I was happy for some me time with him. I am typically not a needy chick, and I probably would still say that about myself. The fact we have had conflicting schedules makes me miss him more. He is obviously in the same boat in missing me.
Before he left he came into the kitchen to see me as I cleaned up. He started with I wanted to get a card and a bag but I ran out of time. I was like wth is he talking about? Then he said I told you got something for you. He then gave me a Cubs blue Titleist hat with a Cubs logo on one side and a World Series logo. It was the best of the things I shared with him; my Cubs and golf. It made me so happy.
What a great night as short as it was I treasured the moments. I also took the initiative to bring up to him a suggestion on starting the introduction of his children and me. I suggested that we invite them to the dinner we are having at my house with his oldest son's girlfriend's parents. Let me be 100% honest on my expectations.
I fully expected this suggestion to be met with a solid no. I am being clear, I said feel free to say no and I expect you to say no. I was not trying to be a negative Nell, I just did not want it to be me pushing too hard. I will say it again, I am treading on sacred ground so I tread lightly.
So now I have flown to LA and next to Vegas. It's hard for me to act like I won't miss him. So I don't. When he left my house the other night, as I hugged him, I whispered, "miss me while I am gone". He said he would, I know it's true. Now he shows me in actions. I texted when I got to the gate to leave.
This time in my text I closed it with I choose you in Italian, Spanish and English. The typical response used to be Thank you and or sweet of you to say. Today it was I know you do and a kiss. I will take it. 💜 His messages have consistently grown and I am grateful. He see the things I do for him and realizes everyone is not like me. He tells me and I rarely share that with friends because it is so special to me, I don't want it tarnished.
When I come home I am going to continue to share my thoughts and what is important to me. I am confident he will be receptive and I will see the actions I need for me. Being respected is important to me, his friends should respect the relationship as they respect him. "Tuesday" will be addressed, as she has posted a childish inappropriate comment on his FB. We discussed another post from a friend of his so he is well aware I read what is posted.
I am going to enjoy this trip, I wish he could have shared it but there is always next time. I am staying in the moment and those things will come in due time.
May all your waves be glassy.