I think that being blonde, loud, having big boobs and a bubbly personality is often misjudged. Sometimes it pisses me off and sometimes I realize what a gift I have in that caricature. My uncle would always tell me people are judging me and to be aware, I just never notice until it is more than obvious. Today I saw the preview for Atomic Blonde, I may not have a gun but I definitely relate to her.
So when I tell you my managers have always done this especially when they are men, I see it is my benefit. This week again I realized my boss is inept. He hides and never works literally until there is no other choice for him. Yesterday, his boss requested something that I realized I could not accomplish. He told me to call my boss and find the equipment. Three hours later he responded to my calls and email. He said it is handled to let it go. Well his boss did not tell me to stop, so I still proceeded.
I have been told that within the organization people may think I am a dumb blonde, but they are misjudging me. I think that this really plays into my hand. I am not going to let people know anything different until it is necessary. After all, if they want to judge a book by the cover, they should be surprised when it whips their ass.
So in reflection, I see it obviously happened with Tuesday as well. The thing here is that I am really confused. When I say confused, I mean if she really knew Danny, she would know that he is not attracted to dumb people in general.
I am sure she was informed I am a Doctor, and that of itself should say something. Well, I guess it didn’t. Today I am going to see Danny and I am going to let him know how hurt I was by the chain of events. I am also going to say it started with him sharing. I get he thought it was a safe share, but we now know it wasn’t.
I am not mad at Danny, I am mad at Tuesday and Sheldon. Let me be clear about the reason. Danny is still figuring out how things work. She was supposed to be his confidant. I have been in her shoes. I have and do always give it straight and honest. I would never entrap them to fuck it up.
Here is the other difference when I give the advice. I am never the one wanting to fuck or be with the person I am giving advice. I get it is a Harry Met Sally thing, men always want to fuck the girl. So if it was reversed it would have a different angle. She has and had an agenda. I almost feel sorry for the woman he dated last year.
Hagatha, she had her own issues but she was probably not as smart or as confident in the relationship with Danny as me. Now all the pieces fit together. She was intimidated by Tuesday, but not in the way Danny was told. Hagatha’s failure was to see it for what it was and to convey it accordingly to Danny. Maybe Danny was not ready to see it or maybe it was not as clear as my recent experience.
I am well aware that tonight I really don’t want to talk about this experience, but it is mandatory. The thing I know more is I want this to work and this needs to be a level set. As sure as the day is long, I know he already feels bad and realizes it started with him. I know the best way to discuss it is to flip it.
If we went out with a male friend of mine who I have known over 20 years, would what happened to me be okay with him? If he was ignored by my friend for the night, before and after the snappy the turtle moment, would he feel disrespected? The answer to both is: Yes. Would it be tolerated? The answer is: No.
I need to feel safe in this relationship. I need to feel respected. I need to know the same holds true for him and I will do everything in my power to ensure that is always the case. If it slips, I am going to right the situation immediately. And just as I would right it, he must do the same. She cannot be part of our relationship, our issues cannot be safely shared with her, that was proven.
Somehow, yesterday I felt my power return. The fog cleared and I saw that Tuesday picked the wrong adversary. I have treated Danny with nothing but, respect, kindness and love. That goes a long way, I absolutely know it is not about the sex, although I know that is bonus. If he chooses Tuesday over me, well then so be it. I do not think that is going to be the outcome but I am prepared.
Danny as I see him now is a man of integrity. So really I think we will talk about it and move on. I am not a gambler, unless it was on driving to a beach for a surf session that may or may not happen. So when I tell you I think this is all good and it will be resolved and we will be stronger, I would bet on it. The ways he reached out this week, I know he feels bad and knows I did not deserve to be blindsided. I also know he must believe I was justified to some degree is taking Sheldon’s head off verbally.
Let’s be clear here, if Tuesday dumps Sheldon I could give a fuck. It will have no bearing on my requirements in regard to her. She is NOT to be included in our issues and I will be asked or given some notice we are seeing her.
Hey Tuesday, Go Fuck yourself, I am stronger, smarter and confident. I know at the end of the day he comes over and sleeps with me and I am the one on my knees for him in the bedroom. Be jealous as fuck bitch, you are not changing anything here. If it does change I am moving the fuck on.
May all your waves be glassy!