Respect

So I think it has been a while where I really looked at something and took it all in from every angle. This Sunday prompted such review. I also had more than a few aha moments to accompany it.

As Danny always likes to surprise me, this weekend was another one of those moments. Danny surprised me by taking me to the Zac Brown Band concert. It was a great surprise. I know he is not a country music fan so it was a total shock.

He had the couple meet us who met us at the Elvis Costello concert. This is what I want to clarify first about the wine fiasco after the concert. This couple was absolutely plastered and making out on the lawn. I saw this for myself. If Danny thought I was that hammered or going to be sick, I guarantee you he would not have started the car.  So what I am saying is that if Danny could not see that I was going to be sick these people definitely did not see it. That clarified, let me continue.

We were supposed to meet this couple at another location and drive together. Initially Danny was upset about this and let me tell you in hindsight I could not be happier that it did not go as he planned. Keep reading and I think you will agree.

Danny and I set up the tailgate and we were chilling waiting for the other couple to arrive. When they arrived it was not five minutes in until Danny’s friend’s boyfriend shit in my Cheerios.

Let me give you some backstory here. Let’s call the woman Tuesday. I will let you come up with the acronym I am referring to in my head that I crafted the name. So Tuesday brought her boyfriend Sheldon. She had been complaining to Danny about their relationship and was given the advice move on. Which she did not take. He is older than her and not the same Religion (which used to be a deal breaker for her).

Tuesday and Danny worked together 20 years ago. They remained friends and she has met the family and his deceased wife. When his daughter met the last long term girlfriend, his daughter told him she thought he would date Tuesday. To which he responded: “That would never happen I see her like my older sister”. This story was relayed to Tuesday as well.

So back to my weekend.

When Tuesday and Sheldon arrived, I said “Hello to Tuesday and then Sheldon” Sheldon then asked me “Was I able to make it to work the next day?” and “How was that possible?”.  Now let me tell you it was the manner it was said and how he looked at me that I knew. He absolutely knew about the car event I had after the concert. I saw Red, I am not sure how I contained myself. Tuesday had to have heard it and I know Danny did not hear it.

I was able to keep it together at that moment, but it really did not last. I realized that everyone knew about my lowest moment in a long time. I was humiliated and embarrassed. I was not respected and really Danny was not respected either. It was an inappropriate comment and it sure as hell was unexpected.

I am only going to go thru the evening here and then at the end of this experience tell you, what I put together.

I was very quiet and I just took everything in. There was a discussion on how Danny surprised me and that I was the only one who did not know about tonight until we arrived. So Sheldon as courteous and focused then asks me directly who was the opening act. It is at this moment when I lost my shit just a little.

I responded ” How the Fuck would I know who the opening act is if I am the only person who did not know we were coming here today?” I am sure I was snippy and loud. The only thing that pulled me out was Danny almost jumping out of his chair to say “You have to excuse her she is from New Jersey”.  I started to realize I was losing my shit. As Sheldon asked me ” Are you from New Jersey?” I said I am from Chicago.

I chilled out and just kept to myself. When we walked Tuesday and Sheldon to their car to put their stuff away, Danny asked the obvious. “What happened?” I said Sheldon said somethings to me which I should have punched him in the throat. I am sorry I lost it but I had every reason. I am not discussing it until after the show. I will be nice and civil.

We walk to the concert and we paired off. Not as you would think, I was with Sheldon walking and Tuesday and Danny were behind us. I chose to take the high road. I discussed yoga with Sheldon. The Universe must have a sense of humor as we were at the furthest lot from the venue.

We get to the venue and Tuesday has to use the restroom. I was the only one who did not need to use the restroom. Sheldon came back first instead of waiting for Tuesday. I am standing in the sun and Danny waited for Tuesday to use the restroom and get wine.

We go to the lawn and find seating. This is the seating arrangement from the aisle in: Sheldon, Tuesday, Danny and me. Tuesday had been chatting it up with only Danny the entire time. We sit down and then Danny decides we should get chairs. I went with him and we came back and settled in.

Somewhere along the conversation with Danny alone, Tuesday leans over to say we should all go see Eric Church. Danny asks me what I think. I say NO. She asks why. I respond it is a chick show, you would see it with a bunch of girls. She says no, I explain it is a different version of a Kenny Chesney or Jason Aldeen concert. So I killed that one.

Thankfully it was an engaging concert and that seemed the end of the Tuesday influence. Until we leave, now she has to go to the bathroom again. Initially Danny was like we will wait. I am so glad she said no need.

We get in the car and Danny asks, “What happened with Sheldon?” I told him and said he was referring to me and getting sick. Danny said there was no way. I said yes that is what happened. He then told me that the only people who knew were his boys and Tuesday. Yes Tuesday. This is the same guy who told me he did not air his dirty laundry. Well I responded Tuesday obviously shared it. He said he promised to not share it with anyone. I said let me tell you something, she absolutely shared, whether or not she promised.

I know this disturbed him because it means a lot when you promise him something. I gave him an example of something he shared about a friend. I then said I would never reveal it. I then made him promise me that he would not bring this up to Tuesday unless she asked why I was snippy with Sheldon. He promised.

humble

The reason I posted the above is to be clear. I am NOT intimidated by Tuesday at all. She is in the sister zone and that is how it will remain. So the things that are key I am going to hit one by one below.

When Danny came over to my house the Sunday before U2, I could not understand where a lot of the things he said to me originated. Well I realized it yesterday. I also realized I had given similar advice to guy friends. The difference is my guy friends always wanted to sleep with me it was not the reverse case she presents. The crazy shit he said came from Tuesday.

I am very sure at this point she has her own motive and is delusional enough to believe she could be the one for him someday.  I see the game, once again I think I was underestimated.

Here is where we are today. I have not seen him or spoken to Danny. I have realized I was betrayed by him and the humiliation I endured was because of his indiscretion. I am going to have a serious discussion on respect.

I was disrespected when he shared with Tuesday my sickness.

He was disrespected when Tuesday shared the story and I was disrespected as well.

Sheldon disrespected his relationship with Tuesday as well as Danny and me.

The only person in this story who in my opinion did not disrespect was me. I stood up for myself albeit a bit l was snippy but really, I could have done so much more.

I am so hurt that the most humiliating, embarrassing moment in memory period, was shared.  It needs to be discussed and I really am owed a huge apology.

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