I guess today I am at a point where I have to make some decisions and take a stand for me. It is not an easy task for me to do it when it is in my personal life. I think we are all afraid at some point to some level that what we are asking or stating we need is too much.
I am a fixer by nature, I am a giver. It is 100% out of my comfort zone when I have to ask and state what I need for me. That is why I realized right now I need to go within and be still. I know that I am a very spiritual person, I am not Religious. I also know that the Universe sends people to you exactly when you need them when you are being tested and maybe when you are breaking or broken.
I always heed to the signs and take note, maybe not in the moment but I absolutely recognize they are present. The people come to me with words and guidance when I need them. Also when I take the time to sort through the noise I know what is the best path.
Today I have to find the resolve and confidence to know and believe it is time to ask. I have had my plans for the weekend shot out from under me again even before they started. It is not lost on me that Danny stated last week maybe “hagatha” was right I am not ready to date. I heard those words this morning and I realized again it is an excuse, but this time I realized more. He needs to learn how to communicate with someone who is not his dead wife.
Learning to communicate is NOT easy when you expect people to be exactly alike. I have stated the things I that work for me and what does not work to Danny. I think he either forgot or failed to realize it was not bullshit.
I think texting is for little things. Quick notes or reminders, it is not acceptable to tell someone that plans are off in a text. I think it is the equivalent to Berger breaking up with Carrie on a post it note. For me it is about respect.
When I respect you I will take the time out to call you. I will hear what you need and let you know if that is something I can or cannot accommodate. I do not think it is asking too much for a phone call.
I deserve to feel valued and respected and for it to be true. I would have totally understood the reason and still been sad about my plans but it would have been on a different level.
He still has not had the time to get to know me and see I love kids of all ages. This is a time thing but at the same time he seems to be feeding fear into himself. I cannot say I blame him but what I can say is he should figure out how to work through it.
Some time away is good for me and I will say I hope that they are fulfilling him in all his needs. I know this is not true and I am totally being sarcastic here.
The time has come to have this talk now too. All these talks we have are productive they are just tough for me to bring up. In the end the air needs to be cleared but I am tired of them right now and I am still in fear. So I need to be still and pray, meditate, work out whatever it is that I feel will help.