Clone or clown mom

I have discussed my dysfunctional mom before. I think when I look back at it, if this was the wild kingdom, she would have eaten her young. I also realize she is and has been a very lost person.

I see now because of that I a have been a fixer and a mom to everyone else. I know now clearly that is not a role I am required to assume. I need to be me. I cannot fix people.

My mother would do what ever I did when I lived at home once I turned 16. She would go to the nail salon I went to, the hair person I went to etc. The fact is she was always trying to be me. I see maybe she thought she could live through me. Well, the reality is we cannot do that in any sense. Our life is ours to live. We are given ONE life and we need to live it for us.

I am sad that is who she is, but I accept it. I also have seen that God has placed many other surrogates in my life who inspire me and lift me up. It is not as cut and dry as people make it but I know I am living the best life for me.

The reality is I do not have room for clowns of any kind in my life and neither should you. It is tough  at first to cut the toxic people if they are close to ys or we feel they should be, but choose YOU.

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