Family Dramas – Alcoholism and Denial

We lived on a busy street in a nice suburb. All my friends knew where I lived. A lot of times I would hear them beep the horn going by my house. I usually knew who it was by the horn. The winter before my parent’s divorce my father took a fancy to tossing furniture out of the house. I was so embarrassed.

Once in January and I saw the Queen Anne table go out the front door in pieces. We were the corner-house next to Southwest Highway. It was about twenty below zero wind chill factor. I decided I could go out quickly and get the table as well as a lamp that had now ended up in the snow and get into the house before he knew I had removed them from the lawn. I snuck out of the house through the basement and wearing only a tee shirt and socks. I had to walk around three-quarters of the house to reach the table. I retrieved the table and by now a lamp was in the yard. I picked them both up and was headed back in the house.

The problem with our house was the layout. I could not get back in without him seeing me as now he was in the basement. I ended up at my neighbors asking if they could let me hang out for about a half-hour or so. I knocked on the door and Steve answered. Steve is a year younger than me and had worked for my father the previous summer. I was so embarrassed that he answered. I attempted to act as if it was not phasing me. Jan and Phil  are a surrogate family to me. Jan said one day you will look on this and wonder how did I ever get through. I do wonder. I am glad I did get through it. It was hard and the scars are deep

At that time my parents were going through the divorce I ran into Anthony at a bar. That is the point where he got his claws in deep. I never thought they would be out of me.   At the time my mother said see I told you he would be back. You will end up married to him. I kept it coy for a couple of months.

One night Jonah and I were going to the Harlem Corners theater and I finally did it. I said “hey look at his” and had him lean into me. I gave him a huge kiss. I then said I had waited years to do that. I really enjoyed being with Jonah. We were very close. There was nothing I could not say to him and to this day I feel I can say anything to him and he will not think anything less of me as a person. My mother was not happy at this turn of events. I think it was because she too could see the connection. I remember her telling me that he was not smart enough to be with me. She actually had and to this day has no idea that Jonah is a very intelligent person. Jonah did not give himself enough credit for his intelligence. This It is an enduring quality yet I wish he could see himself as I see him.

I had a lot of shit going at one time. I knew I had to make a choice. I made the fatal choice of Anthony. I guess it really was not fatal just a longer harder road. This is where every daughter expects her mom to want the best for her. My mother assured me he was the person I needed to be with forever.

Anthony and I went to see his brother in Wisconsin. He was in Club Fed for dealing drugs. I guess he was an accessory or something. What ever. We then went to Summerfest on the Milwaukee waterfront. That is where we ended up first getting together. It was crazy after that point. We were a couple. He was nice to me. I had the things I wanted. Or so I thought.

We were together through the holidays, which is when I moved out of my mother’s house. It was a weird situation. She first loved him staying over then changed her mind. Yet I was paying bills and buying food. It was weird. She even convinced us to take my father’s tools out of the garage next door. She then gave them as well as the snow blower to Anthony. She said it would teach my father a lesson about using cocaine. She had heard that he was now smoking pot and using Cocaine so he probably would not know what happened.

The police showed up at the house one morning at like 6 am. I almost blew it to the officer that we took the tools. I lied to the police for her. That is what children are for, right? She was getting weirder by the day. She was putting me in the middle of the divorce. I could not take it. To hear your father is a bad screw, is too much for anyone to deal with. I mean I wanted to be there for my mother but there is a line. She was crossing the line daily.

Jonah, Anthony and I were at my house one night and my mother had this guy she was dating over as well. Talk about freak. He was telling her all about the healing properties of crystals. He was eleven years younger than my mother was. He worked at Radio Shack where my mother worked too. That was when I realized my mother had no clue. We told her he was odd. She liked him. I couple of years later ran into him at some community festival. I tried to ignore him. He asked how my mother was I said I have no clue we are not in contact. He then scurried away.

My father was playing head games. When my mother had my father removed from the house when she filed for divorce she changed the locks. Not all the locks were changed only the deadbolts. I forgot to lock the deadbolt one day and my father got into the house. He stole my keys and made copies. He got keys to the house and was stealing things and doing things. He put syrup in her hairspray. I was the one who used it. He stole the remotes to the televisions and stereo out of the house. He rigged the air conditioner to blow up as well as the dishwasher to electrocute my mother. My father was an electrician by trade and was a contractor at the time.

Things that would make you crazy were the things he did. I was home sick one day and my car was in the garage. I heard the door open and knew it could not be my mother. I had just hung up the phone with her and she was downtown. There was a restraining order against my father. My mother had claimed all along that he was stealing the things while my friends and I thought she was loony. I crept out of bed and could not see who was there. I could hear the water running in the kitchen. I called the police from my room. They thought it was a joke. I sounded like a little kid because I was under the covers and whispering and I was congested. They made me get up to see if I could see anyone. I could hear the water in the kitchen running. Oh yeah it was my father. Then the police came. This now was the second time I had him arrested. The irony of life is unbelievable. Both times were to protect my mother. He was so angry with me. I told him “the shit you have been pulling is unacceptable not to mention you are breaking a court order”.

Anthony’s sister, Tammy. She was and I assume still is a psycho. The night I moved out of the house was another black day in my household. Anthony and his brother came for the furniture. I had taken everything else to my apartment. Everything was loaded into the truck except Anthony’s toolbox. My mom’s best friend was in the kitchen. I then asked my mom if she wanted to keep my plants. She went into a rage. I was walking out of the kitchen and she charged me from behind saying, “You little bitch”. We literally had each other by the hair and were banging the others head on each wall of the hallway. I could not break away from her.Sally her friend said “ Mary Kay stop it”. She did nothing to stop it. Anthony and his brother were outside. He came in from the garage and pulled us apart. He held her by the shoulders and told me to go. I did go. As I was getting ready to leave, my dog Molly was locked out of the house. I put her in my mom’s car in the garage.

My mother told everyone terrible lies about the night I moved out and how Anthony hit her and I had stolen the dog. She had her cousins out looking for us. It was all lies. The family turned their backs against me. One day I was supposed to meet my mother at her aunt’s to work it all out I never showed. I told my dad the story and he told me to take the stereo when I was in the house. I went to the house and unlocked the door and cut the chain and took Anthony’s toolbox that we had forgotten as well as the stereo my father said I could have as a graduation present. Later my mom told my father I took the tools from the garage and it was my idea. Then I lost my father. She won in her mind. They both lost as far as I am concerned.

I clung to Anthony like a wet blanket. He came from a family of thirteen children the age range was about twenty-six years or so. I was an only child and I had to report in as to where I was and when I would be home. This was not the norm in his household. I think they were more like upper middle class trash. All of the children were red headed and let me say the police knew them well.

We always had a problem of communication in our relationship. Trust was non-existent. He would make me so very insecure it is disgusting. I remember once he had hurt my feelings and I was crying. He said I should stop crying. I said I could not stop. He said that he was toughening me up. I was too much like a marshmallow on the inside I needed to be tougher. Tougher? Was he crazy? I am a woman. I am supposed to be soft and loving etc. Well I will say I learned about people from him. I fight that toughening up crap on a regular basis. I do not want to be like him or anyone else that believes it is okay to hurt others to make them stronger.

I moved in with his psycho sister Tammy. It was a huge mistake. I lasted two months. She was a nightmare. She destroyed my furniture. She was an absolute pig. She had no respect for me, or my things. Actually had I known more I would never have moved in with her. Because if he had that whacked out belief system so would she. I eventually found a place of my own. She was as jealous of me as my mother. It was a terrible decision I made against Anthony’s wishes. I thought it could work. I really wanted it to work. It did not work.

My college graduation was hideous. I do not even know why I participated in ceremonies. Sure I busted my ass to finish my degree in three years instead of four, one would think to celebrate such an accomplishment. My mother and I were not talking and I was not about to call any of her family. Her words resonated in my head “no one will accept you”. Anthony would not go because my father was going. His sister Sheila went and so did my father. We went to lunch at Carson’s ribs afterwards. I was really down about everything.

That Easter I went to see my mother and see what could be worked out. She told me she would think about forgiving me if I gave back the stereo. No deal I moved on. It did bother me that she would not allow me to see my dog.

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