I see now that my second husband suffered from what each of us do when we look at ourselves. I remember him standing outside our Bure in Fiji on our honey moon looking out at the ocean. I took a picture of this and found it so sexy. When we got home he made me tear it up. He definitely had demons and a Stormy side. I am sad that he could not find the Peace within himself to have been ok and for us to have worked.
We had a great time in Fiji, it was so free and we were so alive. It was the start of our lives and I had big dreams for it. He would rib me on my attempt at Fijian. He would join in when I was talking to the koi in the ponds. He was so free and open.
When we came home that openness slowly closed. It closed on the life we could have had and the freedom to just be us.
I know he has not changed and for that I am sad. I am not sad I left because I needed to be happy and be me.