Junior Year – Betrayal the spiral

Junior year was a turbulent year for me. I was still in the band. I started to date Pat. He was blonde haired and blue eyed. He went to Marist High School. I met him through my so called friend Sheryl. He was a freak in the end.

I dropped out of the band to go to his homecoming. I am not angry about the band. I was more upset when I discovered he was sleeping with my best friend Denise. It devastated me to find out I was betrayed by both of them. I never let him get beyond third base. I was saving myself for someone special.

The fact that my friend was sleeping with my boyfriend when I was not sleeping with him hurt me very deeply. I could not get over the betrayal. He had given me a Mizpah. I used to wear it every day. When I broke up with him he wanted it back. I was adamant about it being a gift. I knew he was going to give it to Debbie. I was not going to let that happen. When I did return it I cut it up into about six pieces and taped it to an index card. I mailed it to him and I knew he was angry but I was not concerned with his feelings if he was not concerned with mine.

I took physics my junior year to avoid the horrors of Chemistry. I met one of the best friends I could ever ask for in that class. Mary and I became fast friends. We hung out together we studied together. We also would delude ourselves that walking to the ice cream parlor two blocks away having a sundae and walking home constituted a workout of value. Those are the friends we all need. Mary and I used to drive our parent’s cars. They were exactly the same except for the interiors. We used to call them the twins. Mary had two older brothers and lived not too far away from me. We were for the longest time inseparable. The homecoming I dropped out of band to attend,  we hooked up and then both of our dates ended up at the same place for dinner afterwards. We were both free spirits and fun loving. We would take our parents cars downtown and the two of us would just drive around. I think I was the one who used to get the car more and I was the one who drove most often. This is another of the fond memories I cherish from high school. Mary was there for me like a sister. I told her things I dare not say to anyone else for fear of rejection or abandonment. We nicknamed out physics teacher “Skippy” as in the character from Family Ties. He did bear a scary resemblance. We were always in trouble for gabbing in his class. I think I skinned by with a B-.

The boy’s high school Brother Rice went to the State championship for football that year. I had already dropped out of band. I had asked a boy that I used to work with to go to my high school dance. This was another boy my mother adored. Damian was one of the anti-Christ’s in my life. The long of it was we went to my junior ring dance together. I thought I was cool because he was on the football team. I soon regretted that need to be cool.

One always heard of date rape. I think I might have even laughed at the concept. I no longer laugh although I am still highly skeptical when women claim it. He was very forceful with me after the dance and nothing happened. I still went out with him. I was a virgin. Up until that point if I would have put out it would have been with Jay. I never put out.

The big game day came. My mother, drove me and a couple of my friends, to Normal, Illinois to see the game. We ran into a couple of Damian’s friends. The game was a slaughter and Brother Rice lost. Damian’s friend had driven his car and it broke down. My mother drove the friend home with us.

That night Damian was going to stop by my house. My mother went to her cousin’s. She told me to pass on her sadness about the loss to him. Well there was another loss that night, the loss of my innocence. He came over and we were watching television in my room.

My father was passed out down the hall. Heavy petting ensued and it went beyond my control and I was raped. I was so scared that I would be in trouble he was there I did not yell for help. I told him I was a virgin, he said nothing. He goes to town and says “ so you were a virgin like you said”. I was so crushed. He did not use a condom. I was not on the pill. The sheets had blood on them and I was a mess. I just wanted him to leave. He did not call me for two months. I was just happy I was not pregnant.

I see how good my mother is at character judgement even of high school boys. Only my closest friend Mary knew the story. I was so humiliated. One day Mary and I were driving down a large stretch of Cicero Avenue. A young man was crossing in the distance. I said “Mary let’s pretend it is Damian.” I hit the gas. Just as I was slowing down I saw it was him. I could not believe the irony. I obviously did not hit him. I will say I played it in my head as if I did many times over. I thank God I was not pregnant. If I never see him again it will be too soon.

I moved on but it was very hard. He did not care about me and he was a very traumatic part of my life. What he stole from me I will never again regain. I could only rebuild my life.

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