Better man

The song that Little Big Town is moving up the charts this year is a good one. I love the song Better Man. The funny part of the song for me is my soon to be ex thinks I think about him when it is on. The reality is I do not, and it is just his guilt that brings it to him.

He should have thought long and hard (rim shot) before sending pictures of his erect penis to other women while married to me. Also he probably should have had a job and been contributing to the household more that he was at that time.

For the record, no woman wants a picture of your dick. We want it to do its job but no need to look at it. I digress here.

When I hear that song. I think of my second husband. We had everything and we could have had it all if he had checked his ego. He was always worried about what everyone else thought. The reality is and was no one gave a crap. People have their own lives and they focus on that and the other stuff is a minimal distraction if that.

” I know I’m probably better off on my own
Than lovin’ a man who didn’t know
What he had when he had it
And I see the permanent damage you did to me
Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic.” Taylor Swift, Better Man

I loved my second husband more than I definitely loved myself at that time. I think had it been more balanced it would have been able to survive or it would have faded sooner than it did. Either way it would have lessened the pain, at least that is what I think today.

I wonder often what he thinks, and how he is doing. He has made it iron clad that I cannot know that information. So I will continue to pray for him and remember to look ahead.

I think sometimes I have looked back too much. Yet at the same time I think I have forgotten to look back and repeated the same patterns.

I am an empath and I feel what others feel. I also absorb their energy. I look at it now and I realize this is where my issues stem. I have to continue my own path and remember to not allow these things to take me over. I somehow become clay and mold myself into the man in my life’s everything. In the process, I lose who I am, my focus and my purpose and path are lost.

In the beginning of my romantic relationships, I need to focus on me. I need to ensure that the man in my life supports me and allows me to be me. I need to stay me and be okay with being me. I must crave the need to be needed and valuable. The irony is I am and always have been valuable. I do not need to be needed. I must shake that habit.

 

 

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