Blue Whale of an Experience

So when I moved away from my mother and on my own it was a tumultuous. My parents fought over me like I was a Stretch Armstrong doll. The manner in which they parted ways was nothing like a Conscious Uncoupling moment, it was The War of the Roses on steroids. They were the most ruthless and angry people on the planet, and all that mattered to them was who got more. I was and am an only child and it was ridiculous to endure.

I took refuge in the only person I thought would love me the most, my boyfriend, Andrew Well he was from a large family of 14 children and nothing like me. I wanted to believe he would love me and we would go off into the sunset happily ever after.  I have talked about him before and the reality is he was just figuring out his life too. So when I decided to go off the pill, maybe that was not the best life decision I should have made.

I had gained weight, not a shock in hindsight as I look over that stressful time and know I am a stress eater. I blamed the pill and we all can guess right now what the end result was in that decision. It is so crazy looking back because I have friends who had a hell of a time conceiving and I well did not have an issue. I no longer celebrate Sweetest Day because it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Andrew would always say, he could never get me pregnant unless he came blue. Which always struck me odd, and I know it was not true. I even remember that night clear as day. I gave him a stuffed animal of two brontosaurus dinosaurs with entwined necks and I was at his apartment. I really think he thought I was lying, why, I have no clue, when I said I came off the pill. Boy were we naive. He told me again unless he came blue no worries.

Fast forward to Halloween when I realized I had not had a period and it dawned on me. I was with my friend Joni at a party, we came home and I was like I think I missed my period. So 4 EPT later, on a tight budget I realized I was pregnant. I freaked out. Andrew, he did not believe me, he thought it was an over dramatic lie. His brother Peter stepped in and it was a total shit show.

Peter decided to call his parents house and play my Answering Machine Message that was directed at Andrew. So the youngest sister was aware of my state, his parents then knew and it was telephone game with the rest of the family. Then one of his older brothers left a threat on my answering machine. To stop the insanity I had to have a Police report on the threat and go to court. Good times.

I had supportive friends and that was a blessing. I did not have money for this I was barely getting by on my own. I had to borrow money and pay it back. I could not afford full anesthesia, but someone loaned me the money and for that I am grateful.

Andy was going to go with me to the clinic. He said he would show up, but he did not. I guess it really was par for the course in that relationship. I forgave him long ago but it still hurts when I think of that betrayal. I know it was the right decision. It was the hardest choice in my life. I never forget it, I respect it and I also honor it.

I grew from this experience, I was not done with Andrew but eventually we had to move on. I will share that another time.

What I want to emphasize here is we all go through experiences that are overwhelming and sad, but we can come out stronger. The rise may take time but if we respect the past and how we got there, we will never have to repeat it.


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