Look around -Is this how to live?

Thank you to Lance Armstrong’s ex wife. “When you wake up and look around and your life is not recognizable, it’s time to go”. After the car accident a year went by he slipped back into the Curmudgeon he was and I was basically numb.

I was sick at home watching Oprah when Lance’s ex started talking about when she realized there was more to life. As I sat in my bed I looked around the bare room and stark decoration and started to come out of the mental coma.

I was scared and I did not know if I could leave. It took a lot of time and planning but I did it. I was basically decompressing for a year after I left. I was a rebel, leaving the house without lipstick and in workout clothes. Who was I? I took charge and it was difficult.

Oddly enough he fought the divorce and told everyone I had been cheating, not true.  He told me his family was going to put a hit on me, lame statement. He was a lost old man, that had a trophy, he did not appreciate it and I left.

He was verbally abusive and he body shamed me more than I can count. He was no perfection, he was handsome but he was not attractive on the inside. I am glad I got out, I wish I had left sooner or that I had not married him but I gave up my dog and I was determined not for it to be in vain. It was in vain staying. The fact that Blaze did not like him should have been the clue.

Slow learning, that is all I can attribute it to as well as liking the nice luxuries in life. I would rather earn them for myself. I used to cry the ugly cry with girlfriends in the Alberston’s Parking lot so he would not see me cry, I was determined not to be a marshmallow. Fuck that I should have been a marshmallow.

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