I sit here and do all this reflecting and I see it for what it really is at the core. These are things that happened to a little girl and the resulting impacts.
I do not think we are all forced to be a certain way, I think that we have choices as time goes by. I think that my mother in her demented self, did the best she could. I also believe she never healed what ever was broken in her.
I saw her a couple of years ago from a far and my gut reaction is I will never be like that. She is a broken shell and she has the lost look. I have made great strides to move forward and look towards the future and the self I want to become. I do not think she had that foresight nor do I think she had that ability.
I have forgiven her, I am thankful that the bullshit she pushed on me made me stronger. Tony Robbins I am not Your Guru has changed my sight. I see it for what it is and I also know I will never be her as my journey is not hers. I am healing myself and that is the best thing for me. This is something she can never do because she must feel trapped. I feel sorry for her.