Tweet me not

You can make signs out of just about anything depending on where you are in your mind. I was staying with family as I was making my way back to my life in California.  I am and always have been a motorsports fan. The Las Vegas race that ended Dan Wheldon was awful. I had watched it and tweeted about it. 

I also followed some new sports reporters that weekend. That was when my relationship started with a reporter friend. I look back on this in my life and say that this moment where I thought it was Kismet was more me reaching for straws. 

Again I was in transition, back to LA from helping the drunk, know as my father.  I was lost and needy. I was in my “cousin’s” home. I thought I knew him, but I was wrong. He was a mormon, which he decided to convert at 16. I had no clue. So to him I was more of a wonton woman. The problem was I had no idea that was the case until I was living there trying to get a new job.

I see now that this was again a time I was lost and had a lot of fear. Fear leads you to paths you need to conquer but it can also delay the lesson, longer than you would like. Do I wish I never met him? No. Do I wish I did not try to save him? Yes. I think that was a test and I tried to help fix him. He thinks I am the reason he did not commit suicide. Maybe that is true, maybe not. I will say karma here is even and I am moving on. 

I have seen the lesson and I just need to be in the moment and not search for the why all the time. I tried too hard to make sense of why he was in my life and to make is significant. There may not have been significance if I had learned to just be.

I am in another life transition phase and it really is excellent therapy for me to look back and see the patterns. Maybe I have learned, only time will tell.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s