I look back at my life and I have done some crazy things. I have done things that I thought were ok and sometimes I did them even when I knew that was not the right action. So I want to be clear, I do not say a choice is good or bad, it is a choice. Every choice has consequences. In this context it is not about killing someone or something similar.
So when I look back at lovers and trysts I wonder now if the karma did come back to me. I had former lovers and I would take them back and it was not always so cut and dry. I think I just allowed myself to be used and to just be numb to really putting myself first or looking at it from any other view.
I never sought them out, they came to me. It was easy and I had no ties or commitment. I think the fact it was easy and I was the focus made it more appealing. I did not have to really work for it and it fed my ego. They came to me. Sounds so selfish, and I was selfish.
So when the man I thought worshiped me was busted in behavior that was in my past, I was stunned. I think I also was stunned because I knew I was a catch and he should be happy I was with him. I did marry down on many levels. I am sure he will be fine but he knows the truth and so do his friends (what few he has) and his family too.
I am going to look at it as a blessing. I did not belong with him and the Universe stepped in. Thank you karma. You have put be back on my path. I did not belong there and I was really meant to be elsewhere.
This experience forced me to look at me and I have started to shed the pain and find the real me.