Marshmallows are for s’mores and rice krispy treats

People who love you do not abuse you to make you stronger, these people do not love you. I dated Andrew in college. We knew each other since Freshman year in high school. He had been chasing me for years. I was never ready nor did I want to be caught. It all changed when Salvatore and I broke up when I was in college. Andrew was there to pick me up and again as a theme, transition is not the time to fall madly in love. Looking back this was one of the first times I can pick out that behavior. He was from a very large family of thirteen children to my only child background. This cultural difference was something that rang out early on in the relationship I was clingy and needy at the time. I moved out of my parents house and I clung for dear life to him. I get we were in our early 20’s but there were a lot of times when he would bring me to tears. The one time he was going at me and I asked him why he was so cruel to me. He told me I was too soft like a marshmallow and he was trying to make me stronger. This was ridiculous. Andrew and I have a much more important bond. He did get me pregnant and basically left me to deal with it alone. He came back around and I was confused but the reality was he was not there when I needed him the most. It was devastating not only on the choice I made but the fact I gave up my family for him to be tossed aside. I made the decision to terminate and it was not made lightly. His family was meddling in things up to the time of my pregnancy. I am sad how things played out but I am proud I made the right decision for me. I do not take that decision lightly. The fact is whether you believe in anything greater than yourself or not, this experience was the first time I felt I had proof there is something more. As sure as the day is long I know it was a boy. Many years later Andrew took me out the week before I left Chicago. We went to a movie and dinner. Afterwards he asked me when he could see me again. I told him I hoped the next time he saw me my last name was different and that I was leaving in 2 weeks. He could not believe it, I had sucker punched him. Fast forward 3 years. I was living in LA married to Nick. It was a quiet day and I was alone in the house. I heard a little boys voice that told me Andrew was having a baby. I totally freaked out and had to know. I ended up writing a letter to him in care of one of his brothers. He got the letter and called me. He told me that it was true and wanted to know who told me. I said no one, I told him about the voice and he thought I was nuts. The most devastating part of this for me was not that I did not have a baby and he was going to soon. It was that he told me he was dating this woman on again, off again. He said she got pregnant (on purpose) and he thought of me so to make up what he did to me he married her to do right by me. Seriously, I never cried do hard in my life. I cried for me, I cried for my lost child and I cried because he still did not understand love.

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