So as I get older I think I get wiser, I am sometimes sadly mistaken.
I broke the Cardinal Rule. Do not get into a serious relationship while in transition. In this case it was the kiss of Death.
I am a fixer by nature. Being an ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic) it is something I have been doing since I was a child. I would make things better and it was not out of character for me. However, it can be a bad thing when I am blinded and cannot see things that are pertinent.
When I moved to Virginia I moved in with a friend of over 20+ years. I learned that this woman was not a friend. She was a gossip and she totally betrayed me and my friendship. She shared my entire life with strangers. The final straw was when she decided to share with my coworkers. It was intense information that was not for sharing. I still have heartbroken that I would be betrayed by someone who told me I was like a sister to her. She caused immeasurable damage and to bring it into my workplace is totally unacceptable. Living with her was difficult and I tried to do as much as I could for her until I could find my own place.
I did find a place and moved out. I was not ignorant I just gave myself space. While I was living with her she did not have time for me so when I moved out I closed the door. It was a totally new area from where she lived 40 miles away.
I started dating and it was a huge culture shock. I dated all kinds of personalities. Only a couple had second or third dates. I was totally alone and sad. I missed LA desperately. I was alone and I felt isolated. This sets the stage for a relationship that I was not thinking clearly and I walked into blindly.
He seemed perfect. A normal family. A solid job. A house and car. I should have seen the similarity in his house to my ex-husband’s when I got there. It was not as put together as the persona. He said all the right things and it was a whirlwind.
He proposed a couple months in and I moved in with him. Shortly after he got laid off. The clues start here. I had bought a wedding dress but I still should have hit pause but I did not. He said he was taking time off to finish his MBA. He said it would be easier to get a job in January and it was October. I said I disagree but I would support him. He started on a road to depression. This was a long dark road.
In March my uncle died unexpectedly. I was heartbroken and lost. He was my compass and my North Start. This set me further adrift. I cancelled the Wedding for May and we expedited it and eloped to Charleston in April. For some reason I thought he would get a job and get his shit together. I was working he had my insurance. So it just continued to spiral in slow motion.
My contract job was supposed to be through September 2015. I still continued to search for a permanent job. In the meantime Carl turned down more than one job, without speaking to me about it. He told me afterwards and then would tell me that he was worth more. You are only worth as much as someone will pay you. So he needed a reality check.
In October I got an interview for a Postal job in Philadelphia and I had zero intent on taking it. I was then told my contract job would end in December because I was too highly paid. I took the job because I had to take care of the family. Carl did go and find a house for us to move. I give him that but otherwise he was a block around my neck. The first couple weeks he moved up, I gave him a couple of lists to do while I was at work. I came home and asked what about the task. He told me he lost track of time watching the Hallmark Channel and he did not get anything done. WTF?
We moved to New Jersey and it was the most stressful thing for me having to work for a nut bag and get through probationary period. Thankfully I had had the house fixed back up or we would have been screwed. We rented the house in Virginia and the first tenant was nothing but drama. It just compounded the issues. He had exhausted his Unemployment and he cashed in his 401K fully without telling me. We almost lost the house in VA after we moved. We were in the process of a refinance and Carl failed to submit the paperwork according to the deadlines.
This all took a toll, I did not find anything sexually appealing about him. My hormone levels were zero and in conjunction with this I wanted to do nothing at all. He was pathetic.
In May we had to have the tenants leave and get new tenants. He was supposed to handle the house so I would not be stressed. He did get a property Management company and had the house painted. So it was rented in July. While the refi was going on he stopped paying his bills. He bought excessive amounts of crap on Ebay under the excuse it is all under $10 each. But still not paying his bills.
He decided when we moved and he had Federal insurance that he needed gastric bypass. He went through all the Dr visits and never paid the copays. Eventually they caught up and went to collections just like all his Credit Card Debts. He hid this until I found all the paperwork that he hid.
In July I told him he had to get some type of job by September or I would talk to the landlord about letting us out of the lease and we would get an apartment. He did get a night job offer at Home Depot. On July 3rd he had to have drug test and he went in and failed because he could not pee. I was livid. I could not even process it. He eventually retested it and he started to work. All he did was complain all the time. It was draining and pissed me off.
So little did I know in September he started sexting with ex girlfriends. He was texting coworkers and I am sure it made him feel good about himself. I discovered it all in March I kept it to myself and did not bring it up to him until May. He was like it’s no big deal. I was so pissed. How could he do this to me when I have been carrying the load? I waited for him to get a job, he got a job with one Federal Agency and then got another offer that was better with another that he turned down and then there was another offer and I told him to take it. I made him take the insurance on his salary because I wanted him to be responsible for himself more than he had.
I had been offered a lateral back to DC in November and did not take it but I heard there was another opportunity in May and I took it. I moved back to VA into our house. Timing was perfect as the tenants gave notice early. I fixed up the house after the tenants left it so gross. It took me 5 months but it is finally to my standard.
I am still angry and confused about the whole situation. I mean really how did I get here?