Said Be Southie

The day after St. Patrick’s Day was by far the worst date I have had on E-Harmony.
Against my better gut feeling I did agree to meet “Ted” for a drink in Playa del Rey. OK I only know a couple locations in Playa and this was a totally foreign one to me. So I agreed to meet up.

When I was leaving my place I realized I was going to be ten minutes late. I wanted to text to let him know. I got to a stop light and texted what I thought was his number. I missed a digit. So it did not get to him but I was not aware of this until later.

I got to the restaurant, which was something out of another place in time. As I pull into the parking lot my cell phone starts ringing. It was Ted to find out where I was and why I was late. I answered then saw him pacing the parking lot. I put my window down and asked if he got my text. He was very short with me in tone and words. “No”. I said I was going to park my car and be right back. 

As I walked from my car to the entrance I saw a Cayman in an awful green. I knew it was his, gut feelings. I also thought to myself this guy is definitely not “Straight” and I am calling Bryan when I get out of here. Bryan is a close friend who is gay. I knew he would appreciate this date. When I looked at “Ted” I knew he was an angry short man and he was obviously still “in the closet”. The outfit was a definite. The skin tight tee shirt with an oxford over it that only has 3 buttons buttoned, clue #1. Then the Vans in a bizarre color I have never seen at the beach along with the $200 jeans. 

When I got to him I said I have to see what happened with my phone. I checked the number and showed it to him. He replied with disgust how I had the number wrong. At this point I should have really just called it off and left. But the need to be proper took over, which is a lesson and it will not happen again. He was rude to the waiter and he never looked at me directly. LOSER. No lemon drop is worth it.

The lack of conversation was creepy. Here is clue #3 that he did not play for my team. He told me how he had lived in Zuma in a guest house and wait for it…..
He would always see Matthew Mc Conaughey working out on the beach. Straight men would tell me about Cindy Crawford, Pam Anderson or someone else. 

When it was time to order just before he went on and on about Guinness and how they have a special system to have it on draft. He orders and the waiter said we are out. He was totally irritated. Hey DB this is not a Pub and yesterday was St Pat’s. He then decided on a Moretti. I say I hope they have it because tomorrow is St. Joseph’s day. He had no clue. DB not so smart I get he was not Catholic or Italian but if he was from Chicago he would have known. 

I asked about where he was from originally he said Boston. I said I just had a meeting with a vendor from South Boston, He looked down at me and asked if he called it south boston? I said he said he was a southie and with a name like Patrick O’connor he is definitely from Boston. He told me that if he had not said that he would have been lying to me. As if my vendor is going to lie about where he is from with a heavy BAHSTON accent. Really? He claimed he was a Southie. I highly doubt it.

Final clue #4 was that the only thing he really had passion discussing was that in this town everyone pretends to be something they are not. People say they go out and don’t and gay people marry straight people to cover. This guy when he comes out he will blow the door off the closet and wear the hinges as earrings. (I took that from my friend Dave)

I was so glad when we were leaving although he was a douche bag to the waiter too. Always a clue about people.

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