Sporty Girl Finally Gets Sporty Guy

So yesterday was an awesome day. It was girl time in the morning and then it was Danny time in the afternoon and evening. The image today is a happy me on the course. Yesterday turned out to be that day as well.

When Danny called me I was out with the girls. I had some other plans but I changed them when he asked for me to golf with him on the local course he golfs. I started to panic. I had not been to the range or golfed in over a month. I also had put my clubs on time out and moved them to the office as I was pissed about the North Carolina thing.

I left that in the past and was like this is going to be fine. When you change your mindset it all changes. It was all good. I did not keep score for me but the thing was that I started to hit better and Danny was a great coach. He learned more about me too.

He is always saying things that make me reflect and see why I do things or say things. It is actually refreshing. I have learned that I am still healing from past damaging relationships. I am working on changing my responses and I am content with my progress. He also learned more about me.

I know he just assumed I was in a house with sports. I was not in any such home. My home was sport-less. I wanted to join sports but at the time my parents said no because it required them to volunteer or maybe it was $ I am unclear. I do remember my anxiety when it came time to play softball. I hated it. I had my cousin Tom help me with my batting.

The anxiety was always there as a girl with playing sports. So what emerged was me as a super fan. I learned the sports on my own and I asked questions. I always dated either jocks or musicians. So those are the areas I learned more about in my free time.

After golf one of the more refreshing moments for me in a long time happened. We went home to watch the Clemson v Louisville game. He is just as intense if not more than I am when I am watching my teams. He is loud and cheers as if he was in the stands, just like me. Then I realized another reason I love him.

He takes time out to discuss strategy and plays. It is refreshing and he is patient. We discuss things and it makes me feel good. I also think he likes the interactions with me because it solidifies things we share together.

The golf as I evolve with my game I think it will continue to bring us closer. The love of sports will also bring us closer. I manifested this and I am so thankful. I have taken the time to be sure I know what I want in my life. I want this part of my life to continue to grow.

Believe me there are some areas that I know need to grow to catch up. I am going to be patient and wait. I cannot rush things. I also know that there are people craving a relationship that has aspects they want with serious opportunity to grow and they do not have that in their life.

So I am going to remain in gratitude and be clear how I want my life to feel as it continues to manifest.

May all your waves be glassy.

 

Universe is in Control of Our Direction

I have said this before but I know that there are a lot of times when things from the past come back to my thoughts and I realize there is a Master Plan. I remember when I was a little girl and I would vacation with my cousins. I went with them to Virginia and I kept a bumper sticker that I got at a visitor center until I was in College. I have to share it with you now. Virginia is for Lovers.  This is the reason I chose the image above today.

I kept getting drawn back to Virginia. How crazy is this connection? I realize that the fact remains the Universe has a plan. We are always working towards the Master Plan. I have been working on my vibration’s frequency for the last 18+ years. It has been an internal drive in me that I could not put my finger on why it was so important until now.

I felt that after I helped my father I was supposed to be in DC. I started the pursuit of work before I left LA. I did not get a bite. I moved to LA and then finished my Doctorate. I still felt DC was where I was supposed to be living. I kept being drawn and I kept looking. I eventually ended up in DC. I got to move where I was supposed to be and I shed a toxic friend.

I moved to Alexandria. I was close to work. The men I kept dating or wanted to date me where from the town I am living in today. This is the same town Danny lives in and lived in at the time.

The first person I went out with when I moved was from this town. I thought it was way too far from where I wanted to be living. I realize now that not only did we live in the same town but he worked in the complex I got my hair done in Shirlington. It is so crazy that there are more connections I would have just thought one connection would be it..

When I had my Akashic reading I was told we ran into each other in places. At the time I thought that it would not be realistic until I saw this connection. He is not aware of this and I have chosen not to share it now.

I met my last husband and moved to this town with him. I moved to NJ and I had choices before I chose VA. I was offered positions in Dallas and Denver. My gut told me not to take them. I was unclear as to the reasons but I felt it at a core guttural level. I never had the reason.

Now I look at Danny and I see that the timing was important. I had to be back at the right time. He was grieving and there was a lot of other things that had to happen before I could enter his life. He had to raise his vibration. It did or I would not be here.

The fact that his children told him he should be able to find someone local is not lost on me. I just do not think he sees the importance of it. I know his wife has been guiding some of this and I know she wants what is best for everyone. I know I am part of that and I am content.

I have been attempting to run from this place and yet I realize now I have to remain here. It is not the time to leave. I know there is more for me with Danny. I cannot tell you what that is but I do know it is part of my destiny.

May all your waves be glassy.

Lost friends

I think that looking back there have been times when I have risen to the occasion. I sometimes beat myself up about keeping people that should not be in my life. I have one such former friend.

Alan was a force and I lived in fear. I know that Billy knew this. Billy had been my friend since 7th grade. He had a crush on me and I had been his date to dances in HS so he could attend. It was friendship pure and simple.

He met Alan at my wedding reception before we went to Fiji to get married. He seemed to get along with Alan. When he visited LA we met up with him. All seemed well.

I am pretty easy going to a point. But when you blackmail me with my husband we are done fat boy. Billy thought it would be okay to blackmail me with my past. I am not even sure why now. But the fact was he was not holding all the cards.

He was a very unhappy overweight man. I was always encouraging him to get healthy, it has not happened to this day. So it should not be a surprise to me that he thought he could control others.

He was upset with me about something and his response to get me to do what he wanted was to tell Alan stories of my past. I was like listen Mother Fucker, we are done, you have crossed the line and I am over you.

So why is it some people hit the triggers and some do not. I guess in hindsight if he had not threatened me I would have still been friends. I appreciate him showing his colors. It allowed me to make a choice.

May all your waves be glassy.

Steamboat and some Coke – not that kind of coke

I have done a lot of reflecting about my whole life. I realized recently that I have always been a little Pollyanna. I think I was always sheltered and naive. The thing I remembered recently was when I was in Junior College and in the Ski Club.

I was dating the President of the Ski Club. I remembered him telling me he was too good for me. Why is it that I never believed the men when they have told me this? Well he was a freaking hot mess.

I could never understand his behavior, until we went to Steamboat Springs. I was Matilda Bay and that was a fun time. Then I came over to his condo and I learned a lot. I learned that he was a drug addict and an alcoholic. It was surreal.

I could not believe I did not know this about him. He was embarrassed and I was in shock saying it’s okay. It was not okay. He cut the lines in front of me and did them. He knew I was out. It still took me a while to realize this is not the place for me.

I do not even think I broke up with him for a couple weeks until after we got home. I see that I somehow think I have needed to fix people I love. This is a pattern. It started as a child and came with me into adult hood. I am so glad I am reflecting on this.

This has shown me it was a long time pattern. It makes sense why it is so hard for me to break out of it. I am really shocked that I see these situations now and how they have been a long entrenched behavior.

I am Blessed to take the time now and see it. I am working to make the changes to be happy and healthy.

May all your waves be glassy.

 

A mirror image

Friday night Danny and I had dinner at my house. I am not really sure why it has taken me this long to see it but I realized we are really the same person. We are both pleasers and we hold ourselves to such high standards we “should all over ourselves”.

Maybe we came into each others lives to teach us to be more compassionate to ourselves? I know we are both givers and we are there for those we love. However, we come down on ourselves to a level we would never let anyone do to others we love.

After dinner we were discussing weekend plans. In this discussion he shared that his son that lives at home was happy they spent so much time together this summer. Danny said he realized he did not have balance when he dated Hagatha. I said you know you are really going too hard on yourself. He then tried to compare it to when he started dating his wife in high school and having balance with his friends.

I said you do realize you are too hard on yourself. He said it was his to own. Then he said he should have known better. I said I think it was a learning process. He said No I am at fault. I said I do not have kids but Hagatha too should have some ownership. I said this because I am also positive she was manipulative. He said he could blame a lot on her but not this.

It was at this point that I felt I was looking in a mirror. We are the same people. I then told him after he said should about 100 times, “stop shoulding all over yourself”. I want to remind myself that I do it and must stop as well. I see him and this standard he holds himself and it is noble but it is not forgiving.

I realize we are two sides of the same coin. I think this makes me look at things differently. I am going to approach things differently. I know now why I am here and why we are together.

May all your waves be glassy.

 

 

Race cars

The funny thing about life is that you are always learning and sometimes the thing that you hate you learn to appreciate.

I met Johnny at a car race, he was the driver. My frenemy Rose introduced us. I thought it was kismet, our last names were so close it had to be perfect, right? Wrong! Well the fact of the matter with him was that I realize it now, I was told flat out it was a mistake but I was headstrong.

I was always making excuses for him. I made it work. I took care of everything. It is not a shock that it was an absolute shit show from the get go. I refuse to make others right. In the end it only cost me a couple of years of my life. He was a great guy but there were issues.

He knew that I was adamant against drugs. He was growing and smoking weed behind my back. He was irresponsible but I thought I could make him change. WRONG. When I realized it was time to leave, I remember I did not want to hate him. He was a good guy overall and I was the pleaser.

I told him flat out I did not want to hate him and the thing really was if that tail pipe in your car was a pussy you would fuck it every day. I cannot compete with a car. He was good with it. It took a lot of years but we are okay where we are today.

I wish I could have told my younger self that it would not make a difference if I had to make my choices change. I can and could be wrong and the world would not end. Choices are not right or wrong they are just choices.

May all your waves be glassy

Reunited and It Feels So Good

I am resolved to not let anything or anyone impact my relationship with Danny. I know I am not in control of what others do so I am only going to manage my responses and not react. I have to also state I am so glad Mercury Retrograde is over. This was a tough one for me and I was agitated all the time.

Fear was killing me. I am not jealous so it was not jealousy that was creeping over, it was the fear. The fear of being left. Again such a huge trigger from the past. I am working through it and I will be successful. I may have wobbles but that is natural.

I was so excited to see Danny yesterday it was like Christmas and I was a young child. I saw the car coming down the street, it was a congested street. I could not get to the car fast enough. I held myself back and walked with confidence and I know I had to be smiling.

I leaned in to kiss his cheek and he freaked out. I am not getting you sick. I was stunned and I got the same reaction when I reached for his hand. I know he just did not want me sick but it was like I was crushed inside. I just kept my smile and we drove to the club. te

We walked around and found a place to eat and the distance of the past was left in the past. It was good conversation and we were at Peace. It was the way it always was when we are together when there are not meddlers.

I now see that it could not have been more appropriate to see Pat Green and his opener Casey Donahew. I was not sure how he would like the show and I was relieved when he did enjoy it. He said this is not really country, I replied it is Texas Country which is rock.

This was not my first Pat Green concert. I have loved Pat for 12 years. I had met him in audience at a Kenny Chesney concert. I have that picture with his autograph. I am using it as the image. My favorite song Pat sings is his trademark Wave on Wave. I realized today that it could not be more appropriate that I took him to see Pat. The lyrics seem to say everything about last night and the journey with Danny.

We had a great time together and it reinforced for me that I am glad we are together. We are both just trying to figure things out. Although the things we are working through are different it does make it easier when we see and more importantly feel better together.

Wave on Wave Lyrics

Mile upon mile, got no direction.
We’re all playin’ the same game.
We’re all lookin’ for redemption.
Just to pray, to say the name.

So caught up now in pretendin’
That what we’re seekin’ is the truth.
I’m just lookin’ for a happy endin’.
All I’m lookin’ for is you.

You came upon me, wave on wave.
You’re the reason I’m still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me, wave on wave.

I wandered out into the water,
An’ I thought that I might drown.
I don’t know what I was after,
Just know I was goin’ down.

And that’s when she found me.
Not afraid anymore.
She said: “You know, I always had you, baby.
“Just waitin’ for you to find what you were lookin’ for.”

You came upon me, wave on wave.
You’re the reason I’m still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me, wave on wave.

Wave on wave.
Wave on wave.

You came upon me, wave on wave.
You’re the reason I’m still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me, wave on wave.

The clouds broke and the angels cried:
“You ain’t gotta wipe the floor.”
That’s why it put me in your hands.
When it came upon me wave on wave.

You came upon me, wave on wave.
You’re the reason I’m still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me, wave on wave.

To fade.

You came upon me, wave on wave.
You’re the reason I’m still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me, wave on wave.

Written by David Neuhauser, Justin Pollard, Pat Green • Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, BMG Rights Management US, LLC
I was surprised he stayed over, I was not fearful of getting sick, I was already starting a cold. It was just reassuring, the time we were together was easy and comfortable.
In the words of another Pat Green song, “it feels just like it should”
May all your waves be glassy.