Symbolism more powerful than expected

It’s not lost on me the cleaning I have done in Danny’s house and deeper meaning.

I helped Danny this weekend watch his son’s dog. He was not supposed to work all 3 days but he did and every day was 12 hours. He was spent. He had already been spent on this job weeks ago.

I started to help on Thursday night. When I got to the house the kitchen looked like a frat house on a good day. There were dishes piled in the sink. The dishwasher was full needing to be emptied. There were clean dishes on the counter. A pan on the stove and a hot plate on the island. I started to freak out.

I am not good with clutter or mess. I am definitely someone who runs on organization and cleanliness. When Danny got home I said I would clean it the next day. He told me not to worry and he would get it. I was like ok, knowing full well I would clean it.

I did clean that and then some. This weekend was really a deep clean of his master suite, the living quarters and I cleared all the poop. In the yard (again). The main level of the house including the garage were cleaned and put back in order.

Initially, it was a dusting and washing of the floors. It grew and in the end I am still shocked all that I got done. I also organized his closet and cleaned the garage. I wiped down all the baseboards, and chair rails. I washed the windows and changed light bulbs. There was nothing left including cleaning the oven.

I was one step away from becoming my grandmother with the cleaning. The only thing that kept me from being my grandma was her love of bleach, borax soap, Brillo and Comet. I am still pleased with how clean the house was when I left last night.

As I was cleaning, I realized there was a certain symbolism on some aspects of the need for cleaning. The windows that were the dirtiest and darkest were his room and his office. I hoped that this was more than symbolic and it was. This just illuminated for me the reasons I was doing it. I was doing it to help him get his space clear and move his manifestations into a quicker reality. Clutter and dust will slow it down every time.

Every night when he came home, I was hoping he was happy about the slow transformation of his home. He was more thankful and happier than I could have ever imagined. I think it’s interesting he is so open to it. I am sure that the house has not been this clean since his wife passed and probably previous to her becoming really ill the last few months of her life.

I wondered today if when his son came home and saw the transformation, what was his response. There is no doubt the transformation was relayed or will be relayed to his siblings in a short period of time. It really does not matter to me because I did it for Danny. I wanted to help him get things moving for him. I wanted him to be at peace and have less to worry about when he is at home.

I also think there is an opening to discuss some other things. I am interested in his plan for some things being handled. I am going to start with the more benign ones to inquire. I will see where the conversation goes from there.

He thanked me more than I think I could have ever imagined. He promised to make the weekend up to me. I do not think he still understands that what I did made me happier than he could have ever imagined.

May all your waves be glassy.

 

 

The light always illuminates the dark

The light was just peeking out this weekend and this morning it was a full blown sunshine! So I know I have ranted about Tuesday. I know I am entitled. I also know she is a sad little woman. She will be a lonely woman at the rate she is going now.

I get it she was only getting the crumbs Danny was throwing her way. They were few and far between. I took the initiative to go through Danny’s Facebook from the previous year in order to ascertain other important dates, such as his other children’s birthdays. In this action I also saw Tuesday’s interaction with Danny abruptly ended when I came along.

I could have probably guessed this on my own. I assumed it and now I know it to be true. This week she pushed her luck a little too far and I am containing my smugness. It is difficult but the fact is Danny will never admit I was right, and I am absolutely okay with this.

So this is the history of her posts on Danny’s FB page over the last 60 days. It is still amazing to me. Aug 26 the post that Danny and her were in NC (GREAT day on the golf course! Danny is an excellent coach!) and it looked as if they were a couple. Sept 1 (It’s officially an “R” month!! Let’s get a group and enjoy wine and oysters all over the state!!) she posted they need to hit the Oyster and Wine Festival circuit (this is a repeat of a March post right before he met me). September 26 Learning to golf with the great with tag that implied they were again in NC together and a repeat picture. Finally Oct 2 a FB Friendship Anniversary – Aww Happy Friendship Anniversary to my dear friend Danny You are the best!.

So I want to set something up here before I give you the light of the door opening. He had only posted 3 other events in that time. Each one involved his children. I know her spamming his page finally proved my statements true. How you ask? He deleted the post. He never liked it and it was deleted.

I know he is a smart man. I also know he is in love with me and loves me. He is a protective man and now I am in the circle. She did not anticipate happening and has exploited their relationship. I had thought she would push it, and it happened. I also know her personality enough to be confident she will accuse me of making him delete it.  It will be this or something else derogatory and she will be iced out for good.

I do not feel sorry for her. She is a grown ass woman. If he wanted you, he would have had you. I also think her pining for him is her loss. She is wasting life on something that will never materialize. She is reaping what she sowed. I know she was negative and shit stirring in my relationship. Karma is only a bitch if you are one.  – ‘Nuff Said.

May all your waves be glassy

New things and new people

So as far as the birthday went, I could not have been more blessed. I was really surprised by a lot of things. I was touched and moved by the people who reached out and what they said to me. It warmed my heart and it is still warm. Danny had to work this weekend.

Oddly enough I thought for as long as we have known each other we would not share this weekend. He told me early on he could not celebrate my birthday weekend because of plans with his children. Well low and behold those plans changed. So we did spend time together. I helped him out with his dogs and we went from there.

I have to note that we are planning to go away for a weekend in October to celebrate without all the conflicts in our calendar. That said initially I had my pout moment that I did not get a card or a gift. He did come home after working 12 hours on a Saturday to cook for me, so I was just being an only child brat. Sunday I did not think I would see him.

Sunday he texted to see if I wanted to play 18 holes. Of course I said yes. I already told him I would take care of the dogs at 11. He then told me I could just wait for him if I liked. I said no. The reason being his son was coming home at 2ish and he should have been home by then but if he was late and/or his son early I was not cool with it. He respected it.

I was still a little concerned so I put on my makeup. I do not wear makeup on the golf course typically but I was not going to be caught off guard. I drove to pick Danny up at his house. I backed into the driveway so he could put his clubs in the car. I texted that I was there. He came out of the house and was waving me in. I was so confused.

He said come on in to the house and meet my oldest son. I had nothing, I was speechless. Danny introduced us and it was started. The air is being let out of the balloon. I am in, this was his way of showing me his love and letting his children know I am important. I made some small talk and then we went to golf.

On the 15th hole his phone died, I left the battery pack in the car. So when we unloaded the cart I plugged his phone in. He must have gotten a charge because it rang shortly afterward on our way home. It was his daughter. I know this meeting made it through the other 3 kids’ phones. He said he would call her back.

That was the best birthday gift ever.

May all your waves be glassy.

Sporty Girl Finally Gets Sporty Guy

So yesterday was an awesome day. It was girl time in the morning and then it was Danny time in the afternoon and evening. The image today is a happy me on the course. Yesterday turned out to be that day as well.

When Danny called me I was out with the girls. I had some other plans but I changed them when he asked for me to golf with him on the local course he golfs. I started to panic. I had not been to the range or golfed in over a month. I also had put my clubs on time out and moved them to the office as I was pissed about the North Carolina thing.

I left that in the past and was like this is going to be fine. When you change your mindset it all changes. It was all good. I did not keep score for me but the thing was that I started to hit better and Danny was a great coach. He learned more about me too.

He is always saying things that make me reflect and see why I do things or say things. It is actually refreshing. I have learned that I am still healing from past damaging relationships. I am working on changing my responses and I am content with my progress. He also learned more about me.

I know he just assumed I was in a house with sports. I was not in any such home. My home was sport-less. I wanted to join sports but at the time my parents said no because it required them to volunteer or maybe it was $ I am unclear. I do remember my anxiety when it came time to play softball. I hated it. I had my cousin Tom help me with my batting.

The anxiety was always there as a girl with playing sports. So what emerged was me as a super fan. I learned the sports on my own and I asked questions. I always dated either jocks or musicians. So those are the areas I learned more about in my free time.

After golf one of the more refreshing moments for me in a long time happened. We went home to watch the Clemson v Louisville game. He is just as intense if not more than I am when I am watching my teams. He is loud and cheers as if he was in the stands, just like me. Then I realized another reason I love him.

He takes time out to discuss strategy and plays. It is refreshing and he is patient. We discuss things and it makes me feel good. I also think he likes the interactions with me because it solidifies things we share together.

The golf as I evolve with my game I think it will continue to bring us closer. The love of sports will also bring us closer. I manifested this and I am so thankful. I have taken the time to be sure I know what I want in my life. I want this part of my life to continue to grow.

Believe me there are some areas that I know need to grow to catch up. I am going to be patient and wait. I cannot rush things. I also know that there are people craving a relationship that has aspects they want with serious opportunity to grow and they do not have that in their life.

So I am going to remain in gratitude and be clear how I want my life to feel as it continues to manifest.

May all your waves be glassy.

 

Universe is in Control of Our Direction

I have said this before but I know that there are a lot of times when things from the past come back to my thoughts and I realize there is a Master Plan. I remember when I was a little girl and I would vacation with my cousins. I went with them to Virginia and I kept a bumper sticker that I got at a visitor center until I was in College. I have to share it with you now. Virginia is for Lovers.  This is the reason I chose the image above today.

I kept getting drawn back to Virginia. How crazy is this connection? I realize that the fact remains the Universe has a plan. We are always working towards the Master Plan. I have been working on my vibration’s frequency for the last 18+ years. It has been an internal drive in me that I could not put my finger on why it was so important until now.

I felt that after I helped my father I was supposed to be in DC. I started the pursuit of work before I left LA. I did not get a bite. I moved to LA and then finished my Doctorate. I still felt DC was where I was supposed to be living. I kept being drawn and I kept looking. I eventually ended up in DC. I got to move where I was supposed to be and I shed a toxic friend.

I moved to Alexandria. I was close to work. The men I kept dating or wanted to date me where from the town I am living in today. This is the same town Danny lives in and lived in at the time.

The first person I went out with when I moved was from this town. I thought it was way too far from where I wanted to be living. I realize now that not only did we live in the same town but he worked in the complex I got my hair done in Shirlington. It is so crazy that there are more connections I would have just thought one connection would be it..

When I had my Akashic reading I was told we ran into each other in places. At the time I thought that it would not be realistic until I saw this connection. He is not aware of this and I have chosen not to share it now.

I met my last husband and moved to this town with him. I moved to NJ and I had choices before I chose VA. I was offered positions in Dallas and Denver. My gut told me not to take them. I was unclear as to the reasons but I felt it at a core guttural level. I never had the reason.

Now I look at Danny and I see that the timing was important. I had to be back at the right time. He was grieving and there was a lot of other things that had to happen before I could enter his life. He had to raise his vibration. It did or I would not be here.

The fact that his children told him he should be able to find someone local is not lost on me. I just do not think he sees the importance of it. I know his wife has been guiding some of this and I know she wants what is best for everyone. I know I am part of that and I am content.

I have been attempting to run from this place and yet I realize now I have to remain here. It is not the time to leave. I know there is more for me with Danny. I cannot tell you what that is but I do know it is part of my destiny.

May all your waves be glassy.

Lost friends

I think that looking back there have been times when I have risen to the occasion. I sometimes beat myself up about keeping people that should not be in my life. I have one such former friend.

Alan was a force and I lived in fear. I know that Billy knew this. Billy had been my friend since 7th grade. He had a crush on me and I had been his date to dances in HS so he could attend. It was friendship pure and simple.

He met Alan at my wedding reception before we went to Fiji to get married. He seemed to get along with Alan. When he visited LA we met up with him. All seemed well.

I am pretty easy going to a point. But when you blackmail me with my husband we are done fat boy. Billy thought it would be okay to blackmail me with my past. I am not even sure why now. But the fact was he was not holding all the cards.

He was a very unhappy overweight man. I was always encouraging him to get healthy, it has not happened to this day. So it should not be a surprise to me that he thought he could control others.

He was upset with me about something and his response to get me to do what he wanted was to tell Alan stories of my past. I was like listen Mother Fucker, we are done, you have crossed the line and I am over you.

So why is it some people hit the triggers and some do not. I guess in hindsight if he had not threatened me I would have still been friends. I appreciate him showing his colors. It allowed me to make a choice.

May all your waves be glassy.

Steamboat and some Coke – not that kind of coke

I have done a lot of reflecting about my whole life. I realized recently that I have always been a little Pollyanna. I think I was always sheltered and naive. The thing I remembered recently was when I was in Junior College and in the Ski Club.

I was dating the President of the Ski Club. I remembered him telling me he was too good for me. Why is it that I never believed the men when they have told me this? Well he was a freaking hot mess.

I could never understand his behavior, until we went to Steamboat Springs. I was Matilda Bay and that was a fun time. Then I came over to his condo and I learned a lot. I learned that he was a drug addict and an alcoholic. It was surreal.

I could not believe I did not know this about him. He was embarrassed and I was in shock saying it’s okay. It was not okay. He cut the lines in front of me and did them. He knew I was out. It still took me a while to realize this is not the place for me.

I do not even think I broke up with him for a couple weeks until after we got home. I see that I somehow think I have needed to fix people I love. This is a pattern. It started as a child and came with me into adult hood. I am so glad I am reflecting on this.

This has shown me it was a long time pattern. It makes sense why it is so hard for me to break out of it. I am really shocked that I see these situations now and how they have been a long entrenched behavior.

I am Blessed to take the time now and see it. I am working to make the changes to be happy and healthy.

May all your waves be glassy.